Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
