I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
