I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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