She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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