dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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