she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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