She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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