Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
