I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
