Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
