Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
