My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize