Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
