I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
