just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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