The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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