Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
