everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
