these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
