do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
