Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
