I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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