I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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