Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
