I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
