she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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