real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
