i think my tv is drunk
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
