I accidentally had phone sex last night
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I FOUND THE LEGS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
