I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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