There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My life is pants optional.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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