mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
