1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I understand Curling. That high.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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