Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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