There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
