she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
