Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
