i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i think i just lost a toe
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