That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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