I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think my moral compass just broke
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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