i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
