You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
