Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize