I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
