this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
