were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
