rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
