Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
