Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
