The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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