Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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