I'm eating all of the evidence.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
