Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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