nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
