Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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