i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
