I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We had to coat check the pizza.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
