I CAN MOONWALK!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
