her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
