It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
