my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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