I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
