Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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