I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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