you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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