do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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