3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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