Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
