Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize