She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
