This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She bit a glass in half.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
