yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
