My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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